Love… It’s an area that I find myself uncertain about, at least up to this point in my journey. So far, I’ve navigated through life’s challenges with a mindset oscillating between “being okay” and “not okay,” with love seemingly not acting as my guiding force—or so I believe.
This perspective might stem from the fact that I’m always circled with people like family, a partner, and a few close friends—with whom I feel a profound sense of contentment. Whether this sense of fulfillment is a substitute for love or if, in reality, it in itself is the core essence of love, I can’t say for certain.
Definition?
The very definition of love has evolved for me as I’ve journeyed through my teens, into my 20s, and now into my 30s. Reflecting on the past, it was a bewildering task to precisely identify what I felt or to distinguish between mere attraction and genuine love.
However, it seems that along the way, my experiences, coupled with my interactions, have perhaps pushed me to a more grounded understanding of love.
I’ve come to associate love with companionship, partnership, and a deep fondness for another person. This shift in perspective mirrors the change in beliefs during the course of my journey and the changing nature of the relationships that i carry.
What is the plan now ?
Dealing with the complexities of self-perception and expectations, I’ve encountered a part of me that harbors fear about who I might ultimately share my life with. (May be i never wished to settle with anyone)
Sometimes, I even worry about people that I interact with because, well, I have changed a lot, and so do my own expectations on other’s perception of me. It’s pretty frustrating not hitting my own mark.
And then there’s this fear that the other person may end up seeing me the same way I see myself— and get disappointed. Up to now, getting on board with loving myself has been tough.
I mean, if I’m struggling to love me, how can I expect anyone else to, right? It’s all about learning to be cool with who you are, which I guess is key to letting others in.
So for now, i will love me..